I was reflecting on this particular question yesterday- “How is my life better this year than it was on January 1, 2020?” Immediately, my relationships came to mind. 2020 was the great filter for helping me identify the unnecessary, largely superficial interactions that seemingly took up so much energy and time and left me feeling more drained than filled. Remember elementary school? We had to be ‘friends’ with everyone- we were contained in a small microcosm of 30 kids where one wrong move could cost you an invitation to Sarah’s birthday party. The party that always had a piñata and party bags with laffy taffy and plastic slinkies. You couldn’t escape certain people because there was a chance you’d be paired up with them for a reading exercise, or you’d have to stand next to them in the lunch line. But the rules are different in adulthood. You get to choose who you spend time with. You determine who you clear your calendar for and who you decide not to text back.

In 2020, the relationships that mattered were solidified and prioritized. Conversations were deeper and more meaningful. Even though we physically saw each other much less, we could reach out when either of us was struggling. It was reciprocal and built on trust and integrity. In my most challenging moments, my friends consistently supported me with words of encouragement, cards, texts, care packages, and phone calls.

When we are in pain, it’s natural to isolate. But nothing ever heals from a place of hatred. It’s only when we begin to love ourselves and accept our circumstances with self-compassion when the healing can truly begin.

We don’t need more likes or comments. We need real friends. The ones who care for us will stay until we soften. They are unwavering and gentle. In our vulnerability, healing takes place when we are met with compassion, tenderness, and unconditional love.

Who in your life can you support? Who can you love better so they can begin to see themselves through your lens of unconditional love?