After a jarring event in my life, one of the best text messages I received was from a friend- “I’m so sorry this happened to you. How can I help?”

She immediately made me feel at ease because of her willingness to help.

I remember moving out of my apartment a few years ago. I was sweaty and flustered, rushing to fit the remaining boxes of kitchen appliances and coat hangers into my car before the moving trucks came. My parents, in their seventies, had their arms full holding my boxes, going up and down flights of stairs and loading up their trunk to help expedite the process. Midway through, I was completely caught off guard when someone I knew rolled up in his BMW, parked in front of my apartment and stood at the bottom of the stairs ‘to say goodbye.’ We were literally in the middle of moving. I needed help. Clearly. The last thing I needed was a hug.

To this day, my parents still joke about this. “He didn’t even offer to move one box and instead he stood there and watched us move your things!”

I always assumed helpfulness was an innate quality, but now I know it’s a skill. And like all skills, it can be learned.

First, identify when someone needs help. Then, offer to help.

Don’t be the one who just rolls up and watches.

Take a box.