“In my ideal partnership, I want to feel both held and free.”

I nodded and let her words sink in.

From the moment we are born, we are dancing with this dichotomy. The need for security (whether with a partner, a job, or a community) and the need for freedom.

If you crave security, begin putting down roots. Build vertically, not horizontally. Create rituals that ground you. Walk to your neighborhood park in the morning. Write at your local coffee shop on Sunday afternoons. Attend yoga on Wednesday evenings. Routine provides the brain with a sense of safety, rhythm, and stability.

If you crave more freedom, go explore. Visit a city you’ve been curious about. If you usually fly, take the train. Trade your usual Thursday night Happy Hour for a group trail run. Sign up to perform at an open mic. Register for the retreat. Wear the outfit you’ve been saving for a special occasion. Try the dish on the menu that you’ve never heard of. Change your hairstyle.

Find fluidity and balance between these spaces. Security and freedom. Stability and expansiveness. Held and free.