I started making daily to-do lists when I was twelve. My brain loves structure and organization and certainty. Give me a checklist to follow and Mr. Anxiety is nowhere in sight. But to-do lists rarely take into consideration life’s unexpected curve balls. When life is dismantled and in disarray, there is no list. Only chaos.
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My friend Ted gave me a card with this quote when I finished grad school. I found it while unpacking my things when I moved back in with my parents after a broken engagement. At the time, ambiguity felt anything but delicious. It felt dark. Directionless. Depressing. Devastating. I would’ve used any other adjective to describe floating aimlessly in life while everyone else was merrily checking off the boxes of a successful life. But there was something about this quote that gave me hope. Hope for something new. Something better.
This particular card survived four moves thereafter, pinned on various apartment refrigerators and eventually making its way onto my vision board. Uncertainty makes me uncomfortable. But the itch to experience every drop of what life has to offer, the thrill of growing and developing into the next version of myself, urges me forward into the unknown.
Everytime I am tempted to stay safe and comfortable, I am reminded of Radner’s invitation to view ambiguity as delicious. Juicy. Something worth savoring. Ripe with opportunity. Bursting with flavor. Ready to be enjoyed.
And it is up to me- up to all of us- to take that first bite.