I found myself texting, “How are you?” to a friend I haven’t talked to in awhile. Immediately, I tapped my cursor and held the delete button down long enough to erase that oversimplified, broad, and generic question. Usually we get the response, “Good, but busy,” only to have them throw the ball back to us and ask, “How are you doing?”
In his article “The Disease of Being Busy,” Omid Safi writes,
In many Muslim cultures, when you want to ask them how they’re doing, you ask: in Arabic, Kayf haal-ik? or, in Persian, Haal-e shomaa chetoreh? How is your haal?
What is this haal that you inquire about? It is the transient state of one’s heart. In reality, we ask, “How is your heart doing at this very moment, at this breath?” When I ask, “How are you?” that is really what I want to know.
I am not asking how many items are on your to-do list, nor asking how many items are in your inbox. I want to know how your heart is doing, at this very moment. Tell me. Tell me your heart is joyous, tell me your heart is aching, tell me your heart is sad, tell me your heart craves a human touch. Examine your own heart, explore your soul, and then tell me something about your heart and your soul.
2020 taught us to not take anything for granted. Hugs, travel, dining inside restaurants, concerts, carpooling, visiting loved ones in the hospital. Time is finite. So let’s not waste this opportunity talking about the weather. I want to hear about how it felt to say goodbye to your mother who lives in Bali over WhatsApp and the heartbreak you felt watching her funeral on Zoom. I want to know what it’s like to homeschool two kids while going through a divorce, and how you find the strength to wake up every morning in the midst of such emotional and physical fatigue. I want to hear about how magical it was to birth a baby in the middle of pandemic and hold her in your arms after two heart-wrenching miscarriages, or what it means to be the primary caregiver for your father with pancreatic cancer, or what it feels like to be in your body in your life at this exact moment.
If we can pierce through the minutiae and superficial, we can finally begin to touch down on all that is real, all that is pure, and all that it means to be human.
How is your haal?