Imagine someone in your life who is difficult and challenging. They may be passive aggressive, manipulate you, push your buttons, respond without thinking (or fail to respond at all), act without integrity, betray your trust, or gossip behind your back. Have someone in mind?
Good.
Now take a deep breath (or two).
Repeat very slowly-
JUST LIKE ME, (name of this person) desires to be loved.
JUST LIKE ME, ______ wants to be accepted and fully understood.
JUST LIKE ME, ______ wants to be seen and heard.
JUST LIKE ME, ______ has deep-rooted hurts and hidden fears.
JUST LIKE ME, ______ is trying his/her best.
I learned this exercise two years ago, and I often return to it when I’m confronted with challenging individuals. It provides distance between the acute negative emotions I feel and moves me closer to them as a fellow human being. Even with sharp differing political and cultural and societal views, this exercise in empathy puts me in their shoes. I realize by stripping everything else away, common humanity and truth remain. We are not so different from each other.
At the end of the day, it’s no longer ‘us’ versus ‘them.’
It’s just ‘us’.