“Secret Love”- my latest piece. Alcohol ink on yupo.
“I love you
as certain dark things
are to be loved,
in secret,
between the shadow
and the soul.”
Birthday Reflections.
Books That Delight.
Today’s newspaper blackout poetry.
Some books that have been delighting me recently (and sparking meaningful and thoughtful discussions as well with friends):
Think Like A Monk by Jay Shetty
Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know by Malcolm Gladwell
The Doodle Revolution: Unlock the Power to Think Differently by Sunni Brown
What are you reading that has been inspiring and delighting you?
Why Is Your Work Meaningful?
Psychologists I work with were asked the question, “What is a word or a phrase that best captures what you find meaningful about the work you are doing now?” I was asked to illustrate their responses. Here they are:
Their answers reflect the intersection between their job, their work, their service, mission and purpose. It is evident how these individuals have found that sweet spot where their skills, service and passion overlap, and I feel fortunate to collaborate with them as we all seek to improve the physical and mental health of the clients we serve.
You Are Not Your Thoughts.
Thoughts while riding today: It feels so good to spin my legs out and be outside • Wow, I’ve lost so much fitness • I feel a bit fatigued actually, is this a symptom of COVID-19 • I passed two guys and I’m feeling so strong on this climb • Oh crazy, I was in my small ring this whole time, why does it feel so hard • My strength training is definitely paying off, my legs feel solid with this turnover • Cops are totally out today pulling over cyclists who run the stop signs • I wonder if he actually got a ticket or just a warning • Gonna enjoy this free draft for awhile • Seriously, are you going to pull and do any work or just sit on my wheel for a few miles • Feeling so good • Fall is my favorite time to ride • This view is incredible • My legs feel like lead • Do I have a flat • Oh sh*t my tire is completely shot • Calm down you’re ok • You’re ok • You’re absolutely not ok • The tire is shredded • Who can I call • Stay calm • You’re ok • You’re ok • I can’t believe so many people are passing me and not asking if I need help • WTF is wrong with people • Where is the humanity • At least the tire didn’t blow out completely while I was riding • Don’t get grease on your kit • Ok you can wipe the grease on the black parts of your kit • Take a deep breath • My phone reception is horrible • But I can drop a location pin at least • Thank God for friends • I’m home • I’m ok • This was a stressful week • I need food • I have such amazing support • I am grateful for my friends • What did I learn from this • I can’t wait to shower •
What changed: Elevation. Wind. Tire pressure.
What didn’t change: Me.
Today’s lesson: YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS.
Taking the Leap.
Today’s art made possible by delicata squash.
Instead of ignoring or SQUASHing your fears and doubts before taking a big leap, try writing them down. Describe in detail the worst case scenario- the “absolute nightmare” that could happen if you were to make that jump. Then objectively examine it. Oftentimes our “worst fears” are actually much scarier in our heads than on paper. Usually what we fear doing most is what we most need to do.
One of the scariest things I did was quit my full-time clinical nutrition job in 2017 to branch out and harness my other passions of wellness coaching, speaking, and lifestyle medicine. I had worn a white labcoat in the hospital for 11 years (!!!). I called the doctors by their first names and was friends with the nurses and knew the tube feed formularies and the generic diabetic education by heart. I had a stable paycheck and health insurance. But I was deeply unsatisfied. At the time I knew very little about entrepreneurship, marketing, building a business, finding clients, tracking invoices, and networking on social media platforms. But I was hungry for change. I did this exact exercise of fear setting, budgeted for my decision, and then bravely took the leap.
It wasn’t like I was ephemerally coasting over clouds in a state of bliss. I worked harder than I’d ever worked before. But I’ve never looked back, and I can tell you wholeheartedly that this has been an exciting, fulfilling and remarkable ride— one that I’d almost missed— had I stayed comfortable and safe on the ground.
What will you do with your one wild and precious life?
Sunrise Solitude.
Today’s sketch of the day using Procreate on my ipad.
“Solitude
sharpens the senses
softens the soul
awakens the yearnings
calms the nerves
eases the tension
invigorates the wonder
silences the critics
awakens the magic
amplifies the creativity
that has been longing, aching, desiring
to be
expressed.”
Planting Bulbs.
My parents visited today. My dad carried a huge outdoor planter pot filled with two bags of Miracle Grow potting soil. My mom arrived with an assortment of delicata squash from the farmer’s market, a ripe pomegranate, pickled takuan from the Japanese market, and two bags of different daffodil bulbs, gardening gloves, and a hand shovel- all while balancing an orchid in her other arm.
“This is for that big presentation you gave last week.” It was a celebration orchid. I smiled with delight.
Growing up, my grandparents owned Sakai Rose Nursery. When my grandma passed away, my mom transplanted a few of her rose bushes, Columbine flowers, and orchids from her Richmond backyard into their backyard. It’s a tangible reminder of Grandma, vibrantly blooming with each season. Flowers have always been our love language.
“Don’t we plant these in the spring?” I asked, holding the bulbs.
“No.” answered my mom. “You plant them now, and wait through winter, and they bloom in the spring.”
So tonight at 8pm, when the temperatures were cooler, I planted the bulbs. Six inches deep, six inches apart. I didn’t use the gloves. I immersed my hands in the softness of the soil and inhaled the sweet scent of dirt and earth while listening to the crickets sing.
In my coaching work, I often encourage my clients to take the time now to do things that will support their future self. Meal prepping now may be inconvenient, but their future self will be so grateful to have a healthy alternative available during the busy workday. Walking early in the morning may feel difficult at first, but your future self will feel more energized and grounded.
I thought about this as I planted the bulbs. I was planting them for my future self. A deliberate act of curating beauty for a soul that’d be hungry for a reminder of new life and rebirth after the bleak days of winter and endless rain.
When these daffodils bloom and brighten my porch in the spring, I’ll remember tonight. How my current self took the time to bless my future self. How they were planted under the moonlight with faith and fortitude, in the middle of a pandemic.
How You Spend Your Days is How You Spend Your Life.
According to a Nielson report, United States adults watch five hours of TV per day on average.
I’ve been without a TV for nine years. This was an intentional decision and commitment I made to myself in order to curate my time to support a lifestyle of learning and creativity. Do you know what happens when you don’t have a TV?
You get bored.
Really bored.
And without anything to numb and distract yourself with, you get to know yourself in new ways.
Because of this choice, I’ve gained back 16,425 hours of my life.
We’ve all heard about the 10,000 hour rule. The amount of time it takes to truly master a craft. Instead, I’ve adopted the 10,000-hour-rule of experiments. Building, writing, creating, iterating, connecting, sitting, exploring, adventuring, meditating, communing, launching, speaking, painting, reading, testing hypotheses, pitching, marketing, collaborating, stretching, jumping, laughing, filming, recording, storyboarding, shipping, and designing.
We all get 24 hours in a day. And each of us has agency over how we spend that time.
I understood that if I was consuming the same media and garbage that everyone else was consuming, I wouldn’t have enough blank space and silence to create. This one decision gave me back 16,425 hours to use towards creating the life that I’ve always wanted for myself. I’ve stolen these hours from comfort. But ironically it’s enabled me to live a more comfortable and fulfilling life.
I believe boredom is the birthplace of creativity. Try it for yourself. Turn off your TV. Turn off your notifications.
Put your phone on airplane mode, and watch your creativity take flight.
Sunset Surrender.
Milagra Ridge Trail, Pacifica
“You who let yourselves feel: enter the breathing
that is more than your own.
Let it brush your cheeks
as it divides and rejoins behind you.
Blessed ones, whole ones,
you where the heart begins:
You are the bow that shoots the arrows
and you are the target.
Fear not the pain. Let its weight fall back
into the earth;
for heavy are the mountains, heavy the seas.
The trees you planted in childhood have grown
too heavy. You cannot bring them along.
Give yourselves to the air, to what you cannot hold.”
Getting Back In the Saddle.
When I first learned how to ride a road bike, I was afraid of riding alone in busy intersections so I packed my bike and literally drove three blocks to my friend’s house to start our ride. I practiced clipping in and out of the pedals in the parking lot. I remember the day when I had enough balance and control to simultaneously drink from my water bottle while riding in the backroads of Redlands. The sun was rapidly setting and I laughed with delight. I felt invincible. That tiny win unlocked the childlike part of myself that had fearlessly ridden and performed risky tricks on a bike as a child. Only this time, I was a 22 year-old clipped into an aluminum road bike and rediscovering my joy.
I’d forgotten about all those mini markers of progress, but when I rode the coast on Sunday they all came back as sweet memories. It’s valuable to remember where we once started. What it was like to be a beginner.
These two wheels have taught me the importance of getting back on after setbacks and crashing before the fear sets into my bones. At the beginning of this year, a wasp got trapped under my sunglasses while descending and stung me near my eye. In the subsequent days my face was so dysmorphic and my eye was literally swollen shut. In a panic, I was driven to the ER where I was pumped with IV antibiotics and Prednisone. With quarantine and riding solo, I’ve had to stay calm and feel confident fixing mechanicals on my own. These situations have terrified me in different ways, but I always do my best to get back in the saddle. To not let fear win and keep me paralyzed. It’s a powerful metaphor for other parts of my life.
A lot of things won’t work. They may crash and burn and lose air. And that’s ok. The most important thing is to get back up. To not let fear win. To stay the course, keep your eyes on the Bigger Destination, to be generous along the way, and never forget the small wins that got you to where you currently are.