Always Becoming.
Forest of Nisene Marks State Park, Santa Cruz
I feel as though I have completed a karmic cycle. In my physical space I am clearing and releasing an old version of myself that no longer matches who I am now. I recycled a board covered with old race bibs from my first marathon, Ironman, a few half Ironman races, and trail races. I recycled all the metals that hung from this board. Released articles of clothing that no longer fit my style and current aesthetic. It feels really good. I am grateful for everything that my younger self needed to learn in order to expand into who I currently am.
This space also needed an update. When I first started a blog back in 2008, it was called “Adventuresinswimbikerun.blogspot.com.” The younger version of me needed triathlon. It was a way to ground myself when my personal life had been blown apart. The structure of triathlon training provided me with certainty. I had a training plan with how many yards to swim, how many miles to run, how long to ride each day. The routine gave me a sense of security when every other part of my personal and professional life was unknown.
When I created this website, I automatically transferred my old writing over. Going back and reading old posts from when this writing/blogging journey began was sentimental. Many posts were cringe-worthy. And others made me reflect and smile because those parts of myself still remain very much awake and alive.
Like a snake shedding its skin, it feels cathartic to release the old and stretch into the new. Always changing. Always growing. Always becoming.
Here’s to the unfolding, evolving, expanding adventure of life. Here’s to all the things that morph and change and dissolve. And to those things that forever remain the same because they are part of our true essence and our divine nature.
Thanks for being here and for being with me on this journey.
Returning To Your Favorite Trail.
Boronda Ridge Trail, Big Sur
this sky
where we live
is no place
to lose your wings.
so love, love
love.
~Hafiz
The first time I hiked this trail was in 2016. Solo. I felt adventurous and brave and curious. I was craving new landscapes in my professional life and turned to nature to invigorate me with feelings of freedom and awe before I made the leap.
Life has changed for the better since then. Even though it’s a trek to access, I love coming back to this trail. It humbles me, challenges me, inspires me, and makes me feel small in comparison to the grandeur of nature. Cresting the top is a reminder of how all progress begins with small steps, and the importance of looking back to celebrate how far you’ve climbed.
15% elevation all the way to the top. A hefty test of aerobic and muscular endurance, but enjoyable with the best company.
Some trails beg to be revisited even after many years. Some friendships are like this too. Worth returning to and exploring again, even after many seasons have gone by. A well-marked path of respect and deep admiration remains, even with the shifting seasons of sun and rain.
True beauty never fades.
What you once loved and admired still remains is the same- their undeniably beautiful heart and magnetic energy and sense of feeling at home in their presence. Just as wonderful as you remembered. Sometimes even better than you’d imagined.
How To Learn Anything Well.
Esalen, Big Sur
A simple equation for learning:
Plus. Equal. Minus.
Plus: Find a mentor who is wiser and more knowledgeable than you. Learn everything you can from them- skills, mindset, habits, principles.
Equal: Surround yourself with peers who are also learning and growing with you. Ask questions and share insights with those who are on the same path. Experience the struggles and triumphs together. Your equals help normalize the ups and downs of the learning curve.
Minus: Find someone you can teach. Teaching a skill or concept means you must first understand the material well enough to simplify it for another person. Teaching is a powerful way to solidify learning.
This applies to all areas of life. There are always mentors we can learn from, peers we can learn with, and people we can teach.
The Circle of Reciprocity.
A stunning view from the trail at Redwood Regional Park in Oakland, CA
Are you familiar with the Circle of Reciprocity? It’s based on the notion of asking and receiving. You sit in a circle. Usually with high achievers, everyone is mortified to ask for help. Eventually someone starts with their request. They need help designing their website. Someone to proofread their book proposal. Finding the best surf spots in Bali. A recipe for a gluten-free, vegan, nut-free dessert they need to make. The requests are all over the place because we all have different needs.
Always, inevitably, another member in the circle has the skillset or knowledge to help them. For every single request there is a matching offer. It’s altruism in its most purest form. Give and take. Community.
I’ve recently been incorporating the Circle of Reciprocity in my own life. It’s a fun way to celebrate the diversity of gifts, talents, and skillsets we have to make each other better. A back-to-the-basics way we can support others while also humbly receiving their offerings with equal gratitude.
In nature, a fairy ring is the name for a group of redwood trees growing in a circle, usually around the stump of a logged old-growth tree. This new generation of trees sprouts from the roots of the fallen redwood, creating a circle. They take advantage of the root system already in place, and through this gentle give and take process, they can all thrive and grow taller together.
What gifts can you offer in your circle? What do you need help with that someone else would be happy to support you with? Be open, and be amazed. Give and take. Ask and receive.
The Intention Experiment.
I once heard a story about a yoga retreat where many of the participants fell ill because of the food. It wasn’t a food safety issue. It was an energy issue. The head chef was described as being angry and resentful. Because of this, his energy was transmitted into the food, which in turn, made people sick.
The opposite can be true too. Imagine how delicious a home-cooked meal tastes when it’s made by someone who loves you. It can be a simple dish, but there’s something beyond the spices and ingredients that make it unforgettably delicious. The secret? Love.
I wanted to see if the same could be true- if positive energy in the spiritual realm had the power to influence the physical realm. Through the medium of art. Specifically, alcohol ink.
Before beginning, I paused. My heart was filled with so much love for this person, and maintaining that high vibrational level, I began dropping gold ink and mixing it with alcohol on black yupo paper. In the background, I played the song they felt represented their spirit. I mixed and moved the ink and alcohol with the heat dryer, allowing them to flow and settle with the vibrations of my own energy field and their theme song, “Pachamama” by Beautiful Chorus.
The results were surprising.
And at the same time, not surprising.
This special individual embodies strength, resilience, grace, and growth- all which were represented through this piece.
Our intentions carry specific emotions and energy. What you feel emotionally manifests into the physical. Whether that’s with food or art. You have the capacity to create illness or wellness. Remember this.
Serving Versus Fixing.
#kanzakicards
“Serving is different from fixing.
Seeing yourself as a fixer may cause you to see brokenness everywhere, to sit in judgment of life itself. When we fix others, we may not see their hidden wholeness or trust the integrity of the life in them. Fixers trust their own expertise.
When we serve, we see the unborn wholeness in others; we collaborate with it and strengthen it. Others may then be able to see their wholeness for themselves for the first time.”
Staying Childlike.
Played around with a fun data doodle today. Made with Paper by WeTransfer.
On the last day of the Esalen retreat last month, we were asked to share a word. Something that wove all our layered and textured experiences together into a single sentiment. Something that captured the essence- or rather, our essence. We went around in a circle. Some words were “embodied” and “grateful” and “free.”
Then it was my turn.
Childlike, I said, with a smile.
Since returning, I have embodied all the activities that my younger self loved. I’ve danced. Done backflips in the swimming pool. Rollerskated. Rocked a bright pink shirt and watermelon earrings instead of my usual black and gold combination. Said hello to random strangers on the street. Rode my bike just for the pure joy of being on two wheels and feeling the sun on my face.
I care less about acting my age because now I’m focused on acting my spirit.
My helmet arrived for tomorrow’s skate park adventures! Made with Paper by WeTransfer.
Ursula Le Guin wrote, “The creative adult is the child who survived.” By embracing my childlike parts, l’m more free and open to receive ideas and connect the dots for my book.
I’m intentionally spending more time doing the activities my 9-year-old self loved to do, while honoring my 90-year-old self and the contribution she wants to make in the world. I enjoy dancing in between these spaces- swirling, spinning, smiling.
The Abundant Universe of Possibility.
Esalen, Big Sur
Sometimes I catch myself swimming in a pool of other people’s goals and metrics to measure my success. To protect myself from burnout and feeling claustrophobic within a constructed framework created by society, I remind myself that I can create a new frame of reference. Widen the aperture. Zoom out. Suddenly I am catapulted from a constricted world of measurement into the abundant universe of possibility.
I carry this into my coaching practice. Why swim only in the pool of measurements- weight, inches, ounces, grams, calories- when there is an ocean of possibility that exists just beyond those simplified metrics. Higher energy levels, restful sleep, deeper connections, clearer thinking, a zest for life. Suddenly, we awaken to the possibilities available to us within wellness. It’s from this expansive and abundant new perspective that true motivation and lasting change can occur.
Keep the Channel Open.
It is around 7:30pm. I can’t be sure because I’m not looking at the clock. I am in the middle of a group meditation, seated on a blue cushion, legs crossed in front of me. The sun is almost setting and I am trying to focus on feeling my breath move down my energy centers. The kids outside are screaming and chasing each other around on their scooters with their Superman capes.
I inhale deeply. And then I see the images. Clearly. Consecutively. Telling a story. Like comic book squares. I feel tiny tears form in the corner of my eyes and slowly slide down my cheeks. I focus on our meditation teacher but see these pictures in my mind’s eye. Downloading. They have chosen me to bring them to life.
It is 8pm, and obediently I fumble for my watercolor paper. I sketch out the pictures I’d been shown by some higher source in the past half hour. I make every effort to turn down the judging part of my brain that tells me I should wait until tomorrow when I have more energy. It’s hard to do a good job of drawing and painting the sequence after an incredibly long day. But I ignore that voice- it’s Resistance, who is always complaining and telling me that my work isn’t good enough, or too silly, or irrelevant.
But for my three friends and colleagues who recently lost their fathers in the past two weeks, it IS relevant. This message is for them. I sent my friend the original when she asked if it could be printed. Mailing it to her was one of the most rewarding contributions I made last week.
There is a life force, a vitality, an energy, that flows through each of us. We are all different, with our own voices and perspectives and ways that we see the world. This expression is as unique as your fingerprint. If you block this creative energy, it will never exist through any other medium. It simply cannot come into this world. It isn’t up to us to judge how good or valuable or relevant it is in comparison to other people’s art. It is our job to create. To be a creative conduit. To keep the channel open.
Injecting Magic Into the Mundane.
Big Sur offers minimal to no phone reception, which provides adequate time off the grid and a rather full voicemail box.
In the past, whenever I’d check my voicemail, I’d experience a wave of anxiety. Whatever long-form message couldn’t be communicated into a text often required work on my part- a request involving extra time and energy, needing to provide information, set up a future meeting or the worst- “Please call me back when you have a chance.'“ As an introvert, this felt exhausting, and I’d often delay checking and listening to voicemails for these reasons.
At the start of 2022, I changed my voicemail greeting and added a simple, “If you’d like, feel free to share something you’re grateful for.”
This changed everything. Checking my voicemails soon became a delight, as I listened to the random gratitudes of strangers and friends alike. They ranged from “I’m grateful I was able to go to the movie theater for the first time in two years and eat popcorn with Milk Duds” to “I’m stoked we got to hang out and I’m grateful I get to see you again next week.”
By inviting some magic into the mundane, I’ve transformed my relationship with a task I previously despised. Now when I check my voicemail, I’m curious, excited, and filled with joy, experiencing the gratitude of someone else and sharing their special magical moments.
Think about the parts of life that you avoid or naturally detest. How can you invite a spark of magic?
You may be pleasantly surprised.
Call me. And if I don’t pick up, leave a voicemail with something you’re grateful for. It’s a win-win for both of us. And I promise I’ll call you back and we’ll swim in gratitude together.